Le Creuset gift...

Is this not THE most beautiful thing you've ever seen?!?

My incredible, generous parent's gifted these beauties to Bill and I for a wedding present. I was in awe when we opened them!

I love to cook and have always wanted to have a set that was incredible (in quality, reputation and looks) but never thought we'd get a whole set of enameled cast iron babies! I mean, come on...stove top, oven, table, dishwasher (?!?). Is there anything these lovelies can't do?

Aaaaand...my oldest, who happens to be the biggest butterfinger around can't destroy them when he drops them (although he may break his foot...). Plus, the look so beautiful. I just want to leave them on my counter (which would make it incredibly difficult cook).

Ahhhgh, so excited! Had to share...

Thanks, Mom and Dad...

Chicken Pot Pie - THE best Chicken Pot Pie recipe you'll ever make...seriously

I love Chicken Pot Pie. I have printed out or bookmarked several recipes but never made it myself. I was afraid of the roux so I never tried. I have created this lovely menu planner (I'll post about that after the wedding, when I'm more organized) and I planned to make Chicken Pot Pie today. I'm a little confused how a dish that I've never made before made it on my menu board (it's supposed to be common recipes or family favorites) since I've given space for new recipes under a card labeled, Wildcard. I guess I must have known I was going to make something amazing...and boy, did I!!!

I thought about the Chicken Pot Pies that I've eaten before: frozen, restaurant and my Mom's. I tried to think of what was in it: veggies, sauce, chicken and doughy crust. I imagined what kinds of wonderful flavors would be in the sauce: Italian seasoning, basil, oregano, sage, garlic, hot peppers... It was kind of fun to imagine it all and then, the kids got home from school. Imagination over, it was time to create the real thing. Oddly enough, I went to work as though it was a recipe I'd made a hundred times; I answered questions from the kids, looked over assignment notebooks and watched A dance for a bit, too! Oh, and I made it a double batch so I could freeze one while we're on our honeymoon and Bill's Mom is watching the kids. If this had sucked, I would have been the dumbest chick around...good thing it turned out great (I hate being a dummy)!

Anyway, this stuff is amazing...I'm not kidding, I could have just sat there with a spoon and dipped stuff in it like a fondue...which is not a bad idea, now that I think of it! I cooked the chicken in the pan first and then removed it; made my cream sauce in the same sauce pan, scraping up the cooked chicken bits in the process and then added the cheeses and herbs. When it was all combined I folded in the veggies, then chicken. Once it was all coated and delicious, I scooped it into my stoneware(casserole pan) and covered it with the lid (No lid? Cover it with aluminum foil).

The making of a cream sauce or roux is kind of colorless so this is all I'm giving you to look at. I do have to say though, what it lacks in color it makes up in magic - it's so wonderful to watch it thicken and come together! At this point, it's just a cream base (1 sick of butter, 1 cup of AP flour and 8 cups of broth)...still magical!

Disclaimer / reminder: I made a double batch so all my information in the images below is twice what it would be if you're not crazy (I froze the second batch - the kids are happy).

I dumped in the herbs: Dried Basil, Granulated Garlic, Italian Seasoning and Tony Chacheres Creole Seasoning which is a spicy salty addition (note about the Creole Seasoning - EVERY time I use it, I sneeze - maybe it's just me, I don't know...it's weird). I don't measure and I spaced out and didn't write it down so I'm guessing I added in 2-3 Tablespoons of the basil, garlic and Italian seasoning but only 1 Tablespoon of the creole seasoning (that's 1-2 Tbl of the spices and a 1/2 Tbl of the creole seasoning if you're doing a single batch) 

ooh...mix it in, mix it in...it tastes so good!!!

At this point, you have an incredibly tasteful cream sauce - this would probably be fine (and I'm noting, as I look at these pictures, that this looks nothing like the weird clear-ish sauce I've had in some Chicken Pot Pie)

Adding in the 4 cups of Pecorino Romano - add this in batches, 1-2 cups at a time...

This is more a process of dunking the cheese until it's fully encompassed rather than stirring.
At this point, you'll also add in the 8 ounces (one box) of Cream Cheese / Neufchatel Cheese, diced - it doesn't melt really well into this at first, it kind of separates and looks funky but it melts down completely once you bake it.

Still mixing...4 cups of grated pecorino romano is a LOT of cheese (remember, that's 2 cups for a single batch)

8 Cups, mixed veggies - I used three bags of the frozen stuff - one mixed veggies, one peas and one french cut green beans (4 cups for single batch)

Adding in teh veggies a little at a time - seriously, this got a little sploshy if you got too excited and dumped it all in...

Fold in in, fold it in, fold it in...

Adding the cooked, diced, chicken. This is a 5 quart saucepan - it's huge (almost doesn't fit on my burner but brings me such joy)  but even so, I'm nearly overflowing this baby as I add in the chicken and combine. Please use your judgement and don't try to fit too much in your pan - it's a mess and no one wants to clean that up!

I forgot to add the Worcestershire Sauce and  Sriracha with the herbs...silly me...it doesn't really matter, as long as they're in there! We like the flavor that the spicy pepper sauce and briny anchovy sauce bring out so I added about 3 Tablespoons of both - I can't tell you how much it changed the direction of this dish. If you don't like those things though, leave them out...

I forgot to take a picture of the dish before I put the crust on it and threw it in the oven - I was REALLY excited to eat it, I guess! This is my freezer dish, we reuse them over and over and I really like it...
I have fresh Oregano growing in the house so I grabbed several sprigs and added the leaves to the mixture (if you look closely, you can see their bright green color at the front of the image above) - I think it made a difference!

I covered the dish with a roll / container of uncooked crescent rolls (roll your edges under) 

I let the connections open a little so they allow the steam to escape, and it overlaps a little in the middle. Now, since this is my freezer pan, I just set this baby in the freezer, FLAT and allow it to freeze through. I leave it uncovered so I don't have any problems with anything sticking. After it's frozen (I forgot about it, so mine sat overnight), you cover it with plastic wrap (I wrap it both directions) and then cover it with aluminum foil - I write the directions directly onto the foil.

Here she is, my beautiful baby...straight out of the oven ( you can see that I didn't allow the connections on the rolls to separate well enough; I guess it was an afterthought for the second one!) I cooked it LID ON for 15-20 minutes (checking after 10 minutes) - this allows it to heat all the way through and the dough cooks fully. After the 15-20 minutes (time really depends on if you have an incredibly erratic oven like I do) you remove the lid and allow the dough to brown and puff...another 5-10 minutes. PERFECT...

I cut up the breading so it will be like a pop of flavor with the bites where it surfaces. It is heavenly...I'm in love.
I think next time, I'm going to make it with the peel apart biscuits instead and see if that changes anything (of if it just ups the amount of carbs I'm inhaling!?!)

Recipe


Chicken Pot Pie - Single Family Serving (6 people)

Ingredients

• 1/2  Stick, Butter
• 1/2  Cup, Flour
• 4 Cups, Stock
• 4 Ounces, Cream Cheese /  Neufchatel Cheese
• 2 Cups, Pecorino Romano - shredded 
• 4 Cups, Mixed Veggies
• 3 Cups, Diced Cooked Chicken Breasts (3-4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts)
• Salt & Pepper, to taste
• 1 1/2 Tbl., Sriracha
• 1 1/2 Tbl., Worcestershire Sauce 
• 1 1/2 Tbl., Dried Basil
• 1 1/2 Tbl., Granulated Garlic
• 1 1/2 Tbl., Italian Seasoning
• 2 Sprigs, Fresh Oregano
• 1 Container, Crescent Rolls

Directions

1. Pre-heat oven to 325 Degrees
2. Cook chicken through with salt and pepper
3. Remove from pan, allow to cool for a few minutes and dice (1/2 in cubes) - set aside
4. If using frozen veggies, thaw veggies in colander under cool water - set aside
5. Create roux: with the stove top on medium-high, melt butter in sauce pan, scraping up chicken bits with the whisk as you go - as soon as the butter is completely melted, add flour and combine
6. Continue to whisk until the mixture changes textures (it goes from grainy and dull to liquid and shiny); this takes a few minutes (DO NOT over cook as you can burn this and then you have to start over)
7. Add half of the stock and whisk together - as soon as this begins thickening, add remaining stock - Keep whisking!
8. Add the Cream Cheese, whisk in until melted
9. Add half of the shredded Pecorino Romano, whisk in until incorporated 
10. Mix in Sriracha, Worcestershire Sauce, Basil, Garlic and Italian Seasoning
11. Slowly incorporate the mixed veggies and chicken into the sauce, folding the ingredients until completely mixed.
12. Scoop mixture into casserole dish
13. Open Crescent Rolls and place on top of mixture, curling edges under for a smooth finish. Allow partial connections in dough to vent. Cover.
14. Cook for 15-20 minutes with LID ON. Remove lid and cook for another 5-10 minutes to brown crescent roll dough.
15. Allow to sit for 5 minutes before serving.

Chicken Pot Pie - Double Family Serving (12 people or two batches - one for freezer)

Ingredients

• 1  Stick, Butter
• 1  Cup, Flour
• 8 Cups, Stock
• 8 Ounces, Cream Cheese /  Neufchatel Cheese
• 4 Cups, Pecorino Romano - shredded 
• 8 Cups, Mixed Veggies
• 6 Cups, Diced Cooked Chicken Breasts (6-8 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts)
• Salt & Pepper, to taste
• 3Tbl., Sriracha
• 3 Tbl., Worcestershire Sauce 
• 3 Tbl., Dried Basil
• 3 Tbl., Granulated Garlic
• 3 Tbl., Italian Seasoning
• 4 Sprigs, Fresh Oregano
• 2 Container, Crescent Rolls

Directions

1. Pre-heat oven to 325 Degrees
2. Cook chicken through with salt and pepper
3. Remove from pan, allow to cool for a few minutes and dice (1/2 in cubes) - set aside
4. If using frozen veggies, thaw veggies in colander under cool water - set aside
5. Create roux: with the stove top on medium-high, melt butter in sauce pan, scraping up chicken bits with the whisk as you go - as soon as the butter is completely melted, add flour and combine
6. Continue to whisk until the mixture changes textures (it goes from grainy and dull to liquid and shiny); this takes a few minutes (DO NOT over cook as you can burn this and then you have to start over)
7. Add half of the stock and whisk together - as soon as this begins thickening, add remaining stock - Keep whisking!
8. Add the Cream Cheese, whisk in until melted
9. Add half of the shredded Pecorino Romano, whisk in until incorporated 
10. Mix in Sriracha, Worcestershire Sauce, Basil, Garlic and Italian Seasoning
11. Slowly incorporate the mixed veggies and chicken into the sauce, folding the ingredients until completely mixed.
12. Split mixture into two different containers
13. Open Crescent Roll packages, one at a time, and place on top of mixture, curling edges under for a smooth finish. Allow partial connections in dough to vent. 
14. Freezing?
1. Place in freezer, uncovered - allow to freeze for several hours (up to overnight)
2. Once frozen, cover (seal) with plastic wrap to seal out as much air as possible
3. Cover with aluminum foil, tightly
4. Label with title and instructions for cooking night
5. When you're ready to eat, pull out of freezer at least 24 hours ahead to allow to thaw in refrigerator, follow the "Serving tonight?" instructions. 
15. Serving tonight?
1. Cover.
2. Cook for 15-20 minutes with LID ON. Remove lid and cook for another 5-10 minutes to brown crescent roll dough.
3. Allow to sit for 5 minutes before serving.

Where Am I Going?!?

The wedding is coming. Fast.

My brain is mush, I'm incredibly jumpy and, I'm sure, difficult to be around. Charming...
I've never felt this much pressure before so I'm in unfamiliar water. I feel kind of all over the place though. Quite literally, ANY sharp, loud or unexpected noise turns me into a cartoon cat gripping the ceiling. I've begun shrieking and yelping even. It's kind of embarrassing.

I feel like I'm going in circles, like I'm not going anywhere, like I'm lost. I'm always the one holding the road signs for others; sometimes I long for someone else to give me a direction.

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland; Lewis Carroll

1. Hiking - alone or with my family; with the wedding planning, I've not gotten to connect with nature in any way for months (plus the mild winter kind of ruined any chance of that fantastic winter hiking that I love so much). My favorite woods are only 30 minutes away but with kids and money concerns, it's a choice that I don't always have. I could use some new hikers, too. Mine are about 5 years old now and are literally falling apart (the insides, not the out). I thought the new sneakers I bought would be an alternative but they hurt my feet (don't support in the right places) when I wear them for a few hours.


2. Nature Journaling - while I love to do this with the family, it's difficult to do with all as not everyone gets into it, I'd rather go with the people who actually enjoy this process. Spring is THE BEST TIME to do this with all the wild flowers popping up but the season is flying by!!! I've already lost the Hawthorn and  Magnolia Tree flowers and the Crabapple Tree is losing it's flowers quickly, too! You know, even though I love to focus on Spring plants, perhaps it will be nice to explore more of the Summer plants this year even if they're not as colorful. Thought: I must purchase some more green Prismacolors!

Even with two degrees in art, I'm an awful drawer, drawing nature gives me an opportunity to enjoy my world, practice drawing what I see and explore mixing colors with colored pencils. I'm getting better with each drawing and sometimes I impress myself with what I am accomplishing; I'm still not where I'd like to be. Perhaps if I practice more, I can find the level I'm looking for!


3. Horse Back Riding - not with the group, alone or with one of two people. When I was a kid, I wanted to run the horses but I no longer have that desire, I really enjoy connecting with the horse and nature and my company. Perhaps an afternoon / evening of wandering the farm with the dog and a bareback pad...

Sometimes, when no one is at the farm (which isn't as often as it used to be), I like to sit on the fence and watch the horses. Some of them come up to me to nuzzle and some just roll or play like usual. There is a calmness with their trust that being kept in the corral, they are safe and someone will come let them in and feed them, give them a place to sleep - you know, basic needs. They remind me of dogs. It's no wonder, then, why I love them both so much.


4. Gardening - it's not something that I can do easily right now as it's early in the season for the summer / fall crops and I'm being allowed to use a plot which is on someone else property, so my time in there is limited (plus I'm still a novice, but I DO know what weeds look like!!!)

More importantly, I like to play in the dirt, who cares if I'm planting something! Dig around to see what's in your soil and be grateful for what you find - those little buggies are what makes it all work!


5. Reading - HAHA!!! I love to read, I truly enjoy "going there" with the author but I need silence to read (it's not something that comes easily for me) and few to no interruptions. This never happens. NEVER. I should find a way to make this happen more often. Perhaps this is why I read cookbooks - it's easy to start and stop. I have a list of books I'd like to read...


6. Bike Riding - I haven't been able to do this since I lived in Texas. I left my bike there because it was in such poor condition. There is a bike I can borrow but I'm super-nervous about damaging it (because if I can't afford to repair or replace it, I feel like I shouldn't use it and if I could replace it, I'd have one of my own - it's a conundrum how to solve this).


7. Weaving - I haven't been on a loom to create something since I graduated from my first graduate school excursion in 2002. It is an incredibly calming and creative outlet for me. I love the colors, the textures that are created and the process of creating. Sometimes, I sit in the attic and go through my bins of yarn and think about what I could do with it.



For me though, weaving is something that calms me and makes me feel like I'm a part of something old and beautiful. I feel like I'm a little closer to both my ancestors and Mother Earth. I can't explain that, I just do... My loom is in the basement. It's been there for years and it can't come out until there is somewhere to put it - in this house, there isn't. I keep looking for a table loom to purchase something that is substantial, not one of those piddly ones you learn on. I'll be honest with you, I want a big table loom - an 8 harness, 25 inch baby! Id' be happy with a 4 harness loom, too but if you're gonna dream then dream big! Someday...


8. Writing Poetry - my mind has always moved pretty fast but these days, it seems, that my brain is filled with more to-do lists and schedules than flowing words together. I'm not sure this is something that I can do by just sitting there with a pen and paper, it may take several days of peace and quiet to allow my mind to settle enough where my thoughts may come up. Perhaps this shouldn't be on the list but it brought me joy and serenity at one point in my life.

9. Photography - when my camera broke the morning I moved to Texas, I took it as a sign not to go, my Dad told me I was being silly and to get in the truck. He was right but, just like with the weaving, I still take out my equipment and hold it - I like the way it feels in my hands. I like capturing moments in my life, things that pique my interest and things that move me or that I think are beautiful. It's my way of holding onto my memories. I have always loved looking back at photos, making photo albums and each year, I make photo books through My Publisher, for the family (one for each of the kids and one for Bill and I). They love them, I love them.

I bought a camera (point and shoot, but I'm an firm believer that it's the photographer and not the camera that makes a great photographer) when I lived in Rockford and it was kicking butt and keeping me and the family happy until last summer when it died... Now, I use my phone (I picked out the EVO because of it's 8 megapixel lens) but the reality is that it is a phone first. I can still get some good shots but sometimes, by the time I fix all the "stuff" to get the shot, the subject has changed - it is not a very user-friendly piece.


10. Cleaning - believe it or not, I really enjoy cleaning. I don't always have time to clean things the way I want so when I do get the opportunity it feels great. The problem now is that as soon as I straighten something up or clean it, someone comes in and destroys it...and doesn't fix it when they're done. It kind of ruins the enjoyment for me because it's not just the process that I like (although things like washing dishes is relaxing to me) it being able to look around and enjoy the lack of clutter, light coming through the windows...a clean sink and counter-top.

11. Cooking - I thought for a minute before I added this one. I love to cook and I love food. When you're cooking for 6 people, you need a lot of food so sometimes I'm timid about trying a new recipe or writing a new recipe because if it doesn't turn out, that's a lot of money wasted. While I don't enjoy cooking every night, there are times (no time constraints, no ingredient concerns, etc.) that I truly relish my time in the kitchen. Oddly enough, those times most often come now at 11p or midnight because everyone else is asleep.

I've read and re-read this list multiple times now. I'm not feeling very relaxed thinking about all of this because what it's helped me to realize is how much my life has changed in 4 years. Four years ago, I had a full time job, I was single, I lived alone, I had my own bills and covered them with the money I made, I had a lot of free time to do what I wanted to do (even though I didn't always do those things). Today, I am a stay-at-home mom, I am getting married in two weeks, I live with my instant family from Bill (which I love) - of a 16 year old, a 14 year old, a 12 year old and a 4 year old - I rely on the paycheck from another person's work / job to pay the bills (which doesn't go as far as it used to) and I have little to no free time (as family time trumps most time that is free from other plans).

I'm not complaining (I hope it doesn't sound that way) - I choose to live this life and I love my family. I'd be lost without them now. What's hard to swallow is that all the things I used to love or do for myself, I really can't do anymore. Things have broken or died due to time and use (bicycle, camera, hiking shoes) and my priorities have shifted. If I've got free time from my duties at home (of job searching / wedding planning), most of the time, one or more of the kids has something they need to do (laundry, project, homework, cleaning their room, daily or weekend chores, etc.) so I have to decide if we put it off so they can complete the task or tasks OR if we just go (with or without the child). We've done both and I don't really enjoy the outcomes. If we leave the child, we feel guilty about them missing out on the event (even if they're missing it because of their poor planning / choices) and if we bring everyone, the house is a mess still or they stay up late to work on the homework or an argument ensues because they choose to use their time poorly when we got home. It's frustrating and Bill and I struggle to find the right solution to each situation.

So where does this leave me? Where am I now that I know that many of the things that brought me joy, which I miss terribly, are out of my reach because of the new life that I love? How do I mesh the two together? How do I find a way to make it right by everyone and still be giving myself the freedoms that I want, need and deserve to explore who I am to ME?

Being a mom is a lot of work. I knew that getting into this but what's difficult sometimes is that I don't have the growing time that birth mothers get. I don't get to loose myself over time or make my mistakes while they don't' remember. Bill and I don't have the time to work out the kinks of a relationship as we struggle with learning who we are together (and why each of us have those weird idiosyncratic habits) and who we are going to be as individuals in this relationship. There are a lot of things that others may have that I don't.

I do have lots of good things, too. I have 4 beautiful children who love and respect me while my name is not  "Mom", we all know that I am one (even though I feel a bit like a fraud sometimes). I have a small home that is filled with love - we are on top of each other all the time with little space or privacy but we are learning to be a family together. We can't avoid an issue or pretend that it's not there because there isn't anywhere to hide it - I think there is something truly special about that. We enjoy spending time together (playing games, hiking, crafts, etc.) and while not everyone is into all that we do or try, we do or try it together. I have a relationship with Bill's mother and father and Bill with mine - we all genuinely like one another. I have my best friend with me all the time and my relationships with the kids (friend and deeper) are growing all the time.

Picture I took of my family...before they were mine.

I may not have everything I used to have but I have so much more now, more than I thought I'd earned in my lifetime. I feel blessed by these gifts. I guess now, I either need to tweak my hobbies / things that bring me joy to make them work with my new life or I have to let them go and just remember them as a wonderful part of my life.

I'm not sure which road to go down (or where in heaven's name I'm trying to end up) but I believe, no matter what, I won't be going down it alone...

Turkey Salad Sandwich...

I don't particularly care for turkey but it seems I am a small minority in the world. Sometimes, after holiday's and getting leftovers packaged up for me, the world tells me to get over it! I brought home a container of Turkey and other than tell my kids to nibble on it, I decided to make nice...

Turkey Salad

Ingredients:
Shredded Turkey (2 cups)
Diced Apple - 1/2 inch (1 medium apple)
Shredded Carrot (1 carrot)
Dried Cranberries (2 handfuls)
Chopped Celery (1/2 cup)
Apple Cider Vinegar (2 Tablespoons)
Dijon Mustard (1/2 cup)
Mayonnaise  (1/2 cup)

Mix together the turkey, apple, carrots, cranberries and celery.
Toss with apple cider vinegar
Add dijon mustard and mayonnaise and fold until completely incorporated

Bill took it to work today with Romaine Lettuce leaves (instead of bread)
I served it on small dinner rolls with a little Merkt's Cheese Spread (although it was delicious without anything extra).

After today, perhaps we can be friends...